He doesn’t like your friends…
I’m obviously a very lovable person and everyone really SHOULD like me (lol). However, my friend, Keena, was dating Silas about a year ago. I met him a few weeks after they started dating and he seemed pretty okay. He seemed to make my friend happy and that’s all that mattered.
However, after a while, they started having problems. As I mentioned in the last blog (Don’t sweat the petty things), it is quite normal for couples to have misunderstandings. But theirs was more constant and unhealthy. Keena finally broke down and told me the real reason they had been fighting. Apparently, Silas didn’t like me and wanted her to stop hanging out with me! His reason was that (in these words or less), “Whenever you hang out with her you come back home acting different…like you don’t need me or something. Also, it seems like she likes going out and you go with her whenever you guys get together.” Now, in his defense, I am quite the carefree person. I DO enjoy going out and all that but I don’t do anything stupid when I’m out. I like to hang out with my girlfriends and party once in a while.
I personally don’t have a problem with a friend’s boyfriend not liking me. It however, becomes a problem when it disturbs their relationship. Besides, it’s not like I was introducing her to other men! We simply would go out and have a drink or two and have a good time.
Girlfriend, the fact that you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to totally give up your social life! I understand some things become a priority and your man is one of them but it doesn’t also mean that you should drop everything else you have going on just to be with him all the time. There should be a good balance. And to be quite honest, I thought everything was going okay with the time I got to spend with her. Before asking her to come hang out with me, I always made it a habit to ask her if she had anything going on. Now, we got to see each other about once every two weeks…fair enough?
I brought it up in conversation with MY other half, who has never had a problem with me going out. I just needed to have a male perspective as you know how we sometimes only see situations one-sidedly. Here’s what he said:
The only reason a man/woman would have a problem with their other half going out with friends is insecurity. There’s a fear that the insecure person feels that he is not good enough and she might realize this and find someone else. Let’s bring this into Keena’s relationship.
Silas was insecure and felt that by Keena going out; she would find another guy because he wasn’t good enough for her. Due to this, he felt that if he could somehow keep her in the house and prevent her from going out, then she would stay with him.
I was reassured of this philosophy when he also started freaking out whenever he saw Keena having a discussion with another man or talking on the phone with a friend that so happened to be a guy! He confronted her and actually punched the other guy in his rage. Keena had to plead with her friend (who I found out later was actually a friend she grew up with and saw as a brother) not to file charges. This is what made up her mind to break it off.
Unless you are comfortable with constantly dealing with this issue, you have to talk to your man and try to resolve this. He might need a constant reassurance that he doesn’t need to worry about anything. If you try this for a while and it doesn’t work, you might want to consider a break-up because things will not get any easier with him. A jealous streak is not cute at all.
Some related postPosted on 17 August '09 by dolly, under relationships.
#1 Posted by Mary (27.08.09 at 13:30 )
I believe his problem is insecurity too. I just can’t believe that he punched another guy. Jealousy is never a reason to become violent. I’m glad she broke up with this crazy guy because he might have started directing that anger towards her later on in the relationship.
#2 Posted by Samantha Chives (30.08.09 at 21:10 )
Yeah, that’s insane. People that are jealous this much cannot be trusted because he could have ultimately hit her. Or he might hit someone and end up in jail. I think he needs to see a therapist to deal with his insecurity
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