The other woman is NOT the problem…
Lets get straight to the point on this one. You find out your man is cheating and for whatever your reasons are, you decide to stay with him and work it out. I’m not judging you on that decision because maybe you feel like we all make mistakes and we’re human…and we are.
Once you find him with another woman (either physically or not), why does it seem like she’s suddenly the “bad” person? Why do you want to fight her so badly? Let me share something: The other woman owes you no loyalty or sympathy. She has no idea who you are and if your man decided to start cheating on you with this woman, well then, your husband/Boyfriend/Fiance is really the problem, isn’t he?
This is the only reason why you should approach the other woman: If she’s a friend of yours or a family member, then she definitely should have known better and stayed the heck away from him. Other than that, you man is the one that needs the discipline…not her. Its not that easy, you say?
Well, from personal experience, I DID find an ex-boyfriend of mine cheating. Now, as upset as I was, I managed to tell him to ask her to leave and that we needed to talk. I didn’t give her the benefit of seeing me upset at her. When the other female sees you get mad and approach her, you have given her the upper hand! She now knows how to really get to you and you’ve given her a new thrill. If you know you can’t control yourself if you catch him cheating red-handed, then simply walk out of the room…calmly.
Getting into a fight not only helps give more power to the other woman, but it also shows your man how to thoroughly get the “devil” out of you.
Rachael went though the same thing I did and found her boyfriend with another woman. She simply took a look at both of them and smiled. She left the apartment and after a few hours and 17 missed calls from him, she returned home…calm as ever. She kept to herself the rest of the evening and even answered his questions when he asked her anything. She pretended as if nothing was wrong and this freaked him out extremely. She then pretty much started coming home late and when he asked where she had been, she simply said “out.” Funny thing is that she always came over to my apartment to hang out after work. This continued for about a week and he couldn’t take it anymore. One night she got hime and he had made dinner. He started begging her to yell at him or something because he couldn’t take the silence anymore. I believe that’s the only time Racheal ever saw Miguel shed a single tear. Sh ignored his request and went straight to bed.
Miguel became very good friends with my voicemail. He called me several times after that to ask me to “please beg Rachael to talk to me or yell or anything.” I finally picked up the phone once and told him these exact words, “I’ve talked to her. She’s not mad.” I hung up.
From this point on, Rachael was calling all the shots. She was in ultimate control of the whole situation. She got an apartment and moved out one day, while he was at work.
Now, I’m not asking you to leave your man if he cheats on you once. Its definitely up to you to decide if you can trust him again and live with what he did. But here’s all I’m saying: Be in control of the situation. The easiest thing you can do for him is to yell at him when he gets caught. This is a a form of communication and it gives him room to explain himself and beg for your forgiveness. Don’t let him off THAT easy! Take away the communication but make sure you don’t go around the house sulking and cursing. After this, gather your thoughts and decide what your next move is in regards to your relationship.
Some related postPosted on 10 August '09 by dolly, under relationships.
#1 Posted by Mary (28.08.09 at 10:29 )
How is she not the problem? Half of these desperate women out there don’t care about a man having a ring on his finger or not! They are more than willing to jump into bed with the men. And they throw temselves at these men and after awhile, the men give in. I know they don’t have to give in but I think we should also address the issue of these women who share part of the blame. They have no respect for marriage and want to ruin yours.
#2 Posted by dolly (28.08.09 at 10:51 )
I understand your point Mary. It IS kinda sad to watch other woman throw themselves at married men. However, I wanted to focus more on the woman who is being cheated on. No matter how you look at it, sadly, the only person that owes her loyalty is her man. She’s in a relationship with him and not the other woman! She unfortunately cannot ask anything of the other woman as they don’t owe eachother anything! A man should respect his significant other enough to be faithful. He’s the main focus of the infidelity and thus, he’s the one that deserves the confrontation.
#3 Posted by Getting My Ex Back (15.10.09 at 18:28 )
Such a useful and insightful blog
#4 Posted by dolly (17.10.09 at 21:47 )
Thanks! I appreciate that! 
4 Comments to “The other woman is NOT the problem…”